Products You’re Going to Wish You Had During the Zombie Apocalypse
We can’t predict the future, but that doesn’t mean we can’t plan for everything. Even if it seems unlikely, after something happens there will be loads of op-eds and other news articles about how it was “so inevitable” and “10 signs we should have seen”. That’s just the nature of things in this world.
As that’s the case, you might as well start prepping — even for the most inevitable. I’ve pulled together some items that you’re going to want for the impending Zombie Apocalypse*
* keep in mind, it’s not actually impending, but all the pundits will say they saw it coming after it happened, so I’m going to be like them.
My criteria for a great Zombie Apocalypse product:
- It’s mobile. Look, you’re going to be on the run. Zombies, even if they’re not very fast, are going to be chasing you. You’ve seen it in the movies you can’t just stay holed up in your home, they’re going to get in. So get moving, soldier.
- It’s multi-purpose. You’re going to be carrying everything, so might as well make sure it serves multiple purposes. Think of Alton Brown in the kitchen, get away from those single use tools and go for those multi-taskers.
- Survival. It’s the apocalypse after all, you’re looking for items that will keep you alive and your brain safely housed in your skull.
So in no particular order, here are my top picks! Get them and stay prepared!
This sleeping bag you can run in.
If you’re camping in the woods and wake up to rustling and noises, or worse, now you’re not going to be trapped in your sleeping bag awaiting whatever it is. You can get up and start running. Now that’s smart and will keep you alive.
This digital translator with 74 languages ready to go.
Two sides to this coin. One is, once the apocalypse hits, we’re all human. We’re all in this together and it’ll be time to really work together, no matter what beliefs, cultures, or political beliefs. Hopefully that means bonding and working together, despite languages. This will help with those borders. Of course, this does use data (included), hopefully cell networks are still live for you to communicate!
This camp stove will also charge your devices.
Now here’s a true multitasker. You’re going to be on the run, you’ll need heat for staying warm and for cooking meat. This grill can be set up, gets hot with minimal amounts of wood, and the heat generated by the flames will charge your USB devices. That’s going to be great when you run out and away from power sources, or worse, power is knocked out!
This tent will let you stay off the ground while you sleep.
I like this one because I imagine sleeping high up in the canopy away from any zombie predators. Of course, I’m sure that’s not as it’s designed — so don’t do this, unless it’s the apocalypse. But really, this tent is really something. Suspend three straps to three posts or trees and your sleeping above the ground, no fear of bugs, rocks, or flooding. Perfect for first time campers or infrequent campers!
This fish caller will attract fish to you.
According to this company, and numerous YouTube videos out there documenting it, this device will literally call fish over to you while you fish. Perfect if you’re now stuck having to catch your own trout in the river with a McGiver-ed fishing rod and tackle set up. No fear of having to wait hours or not catching anything, this device makes sure the fish come biting. Hopefully it doesn’t have the same affect on radiation infected zombies attracting them to your camping spot!